Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
