I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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