i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
