Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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