the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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