I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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