Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
