When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So many bounce houses so little time
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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