Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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