"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
