she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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