Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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