At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
