It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
