I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
