Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
