Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
