sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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