she woke up with a sticky ear
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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