worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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