I'm lost and stupid without you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
