I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
MIDGETS
????
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
