i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
