Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
