i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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