He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
