Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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