I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
