Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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