there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
