how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
