i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
