The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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