Ambien. No doubt about it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
