stop calling my apartment porn island.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
