she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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