No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
