Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
