i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
