No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
