Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
