can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
