So drunk, too bad you don't want this
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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