I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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