How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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