i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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