K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
