i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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