You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
