the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
