When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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